Surgery Day!

   Well it's here, surgery day!! I am up an hour earlier than I wanted to be, but I guess that's better than an hour later than I needed to be lol.   I am anxious, excited, nervous and elated! There is no word to fully describe what I am feeling this morning.  It's almost surreal, maybe once I have the IV in and they are putting the drugs to knock me out will it seem real.
   I am really most scared about the pain after, they say when the gas settles it's painful, ughh.  I don't really want to be all hopped up on morphine all the time, but if that's what it takes I'll do it.
   This is one of the biggest things I have ever done, besides giving birth, and honestly I'm scared.  What if I fail and go back to my old eating habits, what if I gain all the weight back? What if I succeed and people see me differently? What if I succeed and I don't like who I become? What if my spouse doesn't like who I become? There are so many what ifs out there and it's hard not to think of them all at the same time.  I guess I can try to take it one day at a time and deal with things as they are thrown at me, but that's harder than it sounds.
   So many emotions running through me, this post is all over the place, I hope you can keep up haha.  I know I have lots of friends out there to support me, and family is all behind my decision as well.  But somehow sitting here at almost 5am I feel alone in my decision.   Maybe that's because I made the decision, although unconscious, to become almost 300lbs.  And maybe because I made the decision not to do anything about it until I had to take this drastic measure.  Don't get me wrong I am so happy I made the decision for surgery, but it is a drastic one.  One with real potentially dangerous consequences.  One with real commitment involved. That in itself is scary.
   Well a few more photos to post and I'm going to go and relax on my couch for a while before I have to head to the hospital.  Surgery is at 745am, wish me luck!!